Now Hiring Flight Attendants

A good friend, and ex roommate, I lived with seven years ago in a two story Archie Bunker like house in Forest Hills, Queens (along with six other flight attendants, a black and white Border Collie named Monica, and a Bulgarian yellow cab driver I will most likely mention again in a later post), emailed me a hilarious joke this morning. I had to post it.
***
YOUR FUTURE IS HERE! We are currently recruiting for flight attendants. Are you unfulfilled with your current career? Are you looking for a dead end job filled with excitement and travel? This is your opportunity to be a (INSERT AIRLINE OF YOUR CHOICE HERE) flight attendant. In the blink of an eye, you will see the world unfold before you. But if you blink too long, you’ll miss it. Because before you know it, you’ve been rescheduled. We’ll place you at 2 star hotels next to airport runways guaranteed to make your room roar and rumble so that you will never have to rely on a wake up call.
Are you looking for new challenges? We’re definitely the company to bring it to you. We will test your endurance and see how long you can live up to our long extensive duty periods without giving you time to get a decent meal. Now keep in mind, we’re protected by the railroad act so we can get away with this. Not challenging enough? You will experience physical stress to the point of fatigue and exhaustion with virtually no sleep. If this sounds appealing, you are moments away from being considered a candidate as a (INSERT AIRLINE OF YOUR CHOICE HERE) flight attendant.
Come and work for a company that has made Fortune 500’s “Top 10 Worst Companies To Work For.” We’re unethical and we will make sure that you are treated with the utmost disrespect. Many of our current flight attendants will attest to this.
Still looking at the Classified Ads for a company that will stab you in the back, question your every move, interrogate you when you legitimately use your sick hours, make you feel unappreciated, provide you with no moral support, looking for an unstable career where in 5-10 years we will do almost anything to get rid of you so that we can replace you with 2 new employees for what we’re paying you at your then future wages? Well then, what are you waiting for? Apply now and be a (INSERT AIRLINE OF YOUR CHOICE HERE) flight attendant. If you’re feeling hopeless and are at a crossroads in your life, apply now and we’ll redeem those feelings and make you feel even more inadequate.
Dreaming of wearing the official (INSERT AIRLINE OF YOUR CHOICE HERE) uniform? Be proud when you pay for it through payroll deduction. It’ll cost you more than a St. John or Giorgio Armani Suit with less than a quarter of the quality.
Welcome Aboard to an exciting new career as a (INSERT AIRLINE OF YOUR CHOICE HERE). Let our company unfold your future. Our wages are competitive-guaranteed to make you live paycheck to paycheck so we advise you obtain an alternate profession. APPLY NOW!
(IINSERT AIRLINE OF YOUR CHOICE HERE)
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer (EOE).
Our employment turnover rate is high
***
And on that note, The Husband just handed me an interesting article in Smart Money Magazine about the new startup airline SKYBUS. (Hey, maybe they’re hiring). Here’s the link, so go check it out… http://pcquote.smartmoney.com/toughcustomer/index.cfm?story=august2007

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Heather Poole View All →

Yeah, that's me, the one standing in the aisle wearing flammable polyester...

3 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Yeah, that’s sort of funny. If you are or were a stew. lol.
    Well, people….I am back from the in-laws and now back to modern age. No more plush shag and knick-knacks underfoot or insight. Strangly, one sort of grows accustomed to this time passage that keeps me in slippers constantly (30 year old carpet) and at attention with my sanitizing wipes. There was also the question of the computer that made it impossible to use- I just couldn’t wait 5 minutes everytime I wanted to check anything. Regardless, my 80 year old in-laws are so kind and funny and made all of the so un-cady things sort of ok. I just went into a different mindset.
    So, the big question on everyone’s mind…..what did I have for lunch? Well, it was sort of weird. A soy hotdog with cheese on whole wheat bread. The same thing that I served my little 13 month old daughter. Except I squished hers together in little bites and said, “Eat sandwich.” She loves the word sandwich.
    Also, to sister and chaos…the pictures are adorable from your road trip and the beach!

  2. So, what did you all have for lunch and/or dinner?
    I am about to have an organic mixed salad with cucumber and grape tomatoes and also a pizza with spinach and mushrooms. The husband is flying and I occasionally order from this organic pizza place when he is gone. Very exciting. Oh, and I am also having chocolate soy milk with my meal. That’s my treat. No wine tonight. I am still recovering from my in-law visit and my overdose of Italian cookies, pastries and cakes. I swear I’ve gained 5 pounds in a week. I am having a pastry hangover and it sucks.

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