The following is a real life conversation that actually took place by a real life flight attendant (that I actually know, and love) upon spotting a miserable looking passenger with a big bag NOT in the proper stowage location just minutes before departure on an airplane:

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Sir, is that a big package between your legs?

PASSENGER: Yes, there is a rather large package between my legs. (No longer looking miserable as the passengers seated nearby begin to laugh)