I’m a nurse. So there I was, working a 16 hour shift (I get an hour off between the two eight-hour assignments), and I decided to nip off into the area where the residents take their naps. I wasn’t asleep long and I began dreaming. I was asleep in the dream and woke up on a 777. I looked around and started screaming. I was sitting in the very last row of economy. I’ve never seen it back there, but it was just as awful as I imagined it would be. Suddenly a very angry flight attendant came over and said, “WHAT”? I looked up and it was YOU! I asked, “Where are we going?” You snapped, “JFK!” I said,”Ok, phew! When do we land.” You said, “twenty-seven hours”, and your voice got all slow and horror movie like and then you started to cackle like Vincent Price. I began to scream again, trying to get my seat belt off, but my belt wouldn’t come off! I asked if there was a seat in first class, that I just need to get up there. You stopped laughing and, waving your finger at me, said, “NO NO NO, twenty-seven hours till landing,” and then you started laughing again in that scary horror movie laugh. When I jumped awake, there were two nurses staring at me. Apparently I had screamed so loud they came in to see what was the matter. I tried to explain my dream, but they didn’t get it, nor did they understand what was so bad about sitting in economy. I kept saying, twenty-seven hours guys! Maybe you can understand?
P.S. I hope the first time you’re on my flight, you’re a little nicer, jeez heather!
First of all, let’s get something straight. I do not cackle. Ever. Secondly, thank you for including me in your worst nightmare. You have no idea just how often this happens, whether I’m actually working the flight or not. Thirdly, you will not find me on a twenty-seven hour flight to anywhere. I fly domestic trips. That means I never work a leg longer than six hours. Also, I’m junior. A junior flight attendant would not be able to hold a twenty-seven hour trip. Unless of course it’s a twenty-seven hour, three-day, on a super80 or 757 that hops from city to city. That’s because we’re only paid for flying time, not ground time. The time clock doesn’t officially start ticking until the aircraft door has been shut and the aircraft has backed away from the gate. This is why the best trips, in airline world, are the long haul flights. There’s little ground time involved so flight attendants get their hours in quickly. There’s a reason the crew working to Paris looks like they may have trouble pushing the cart to the front of the cabin while the crew flying to Tulsa may seem as if they just graduated from flight attendant training. As for being seated in the last row, Ron, I’m going to tell you what I tell passengers who roll their eyes and make negative comments the moment they notice exactly where their seat is. Someone has to sit there. Why not you?
P.S. In your next dream, can you please put me in coach on the 767 , my favorite airplane, on a flight from New York to anywhere on the West Coast with a layover longer than ten hours at a hotel that is not near the airport. If you can do that for me, Ron, we’ll work on moving you out of that crappy seat.
Photo courtesy of Caribb
Yeah, that's me, the one standing in the aisle wearing flammable polyester...