You know that thing guys do when they cough and say bullshit at the same time? Well if I were a guy and I were the type of guy who did that sort of thing, that’s exactly what I would have done when I first spotted these babies on the cover of the Bliss catalog last month.
Get a workout while you walk, that’s what it said right beside a picture of red and white flip flops called FitFlops. Then it went on to say things like, works your bum muscles more, makes it easier to stay in shape, slims and tones your thighs, reduces cellulite, improves core strength, and a ton of other crazy things. I just shook my head as I stared at the picture. I threw the catalog away. I mean give me a break. I work out. With weights. I know what it takes to work my bum muscles. Squats. Lunges. And lots of them!
The following day I rescued the catalog from the bin of recyclables. I couldn’t stop staring at the flops. I mean they were, in a sporty way, kind of cute. For the next few days I’d find myself standing in the kitchen with the catalog in my hand.
“Check these out,” I said to the uninterested Husband. He didn’t check them out, but he did tell me to buy them, if I wanted them.
I wasn’t sure that I wanted them. Even though I couldn’t stop staring at them.
Eventually I did place the order. I had to. They were calling my name.
The FitFlops arrived today. Finally. And they actually arrived with a warning. That warning states, The FitFlop has the potential to increase muscle activity in terms of duration and workload. As such, we recommend that the FitFlop be used progressively to avoid excessive muscle soreness. As I read and reread the warning, I could feel the half cough half curse making it’s way out of my mouth.
“What do you think?” I asked my mother who flew into town last night. I pulled up the pant leg of my green cargo pants to give her a better look.
Placing a People Magazine on her lap, she looked at me through the frames of her funky glasses. “Cute,” she said, and I could tell she meant it.
I thought so, too. They were cute. Real cute.
“Are they comfortable,” she asked, kicking off her own pair of black sequined flippity flops in order to try on a Fitflop.
“They are,” I said, walking around in a circle.
And so me and the cute and comfortable FitFlops took a drive to the grocery store. I had a couple things to pick up. While I was there, I walked up and down the aisles. Every aisle. I’m sorry to say I did not feel the bum muscles getting a workout. In fact, I didn’t feel a thing. Except a whole lot of cushyness.
But wait! Don’t let this post stop you from placing your own order. Things have since changed. It’s now the end of the day and I can honestly say that I’m actually feeling a slight tingling pull going up the back of my leg, from my calves to my upper thighs. Now I ask you, could this be the work of a FitFlop? And do you think these could be made in a navy blue leather? I’m thinking flops for flight. Flight flops.
Yeah, that's me, the one standing in the aisle wearing flammable polyester...