I see celebrities on the airplane all the time, and very few of them get me excited. However, there is one celebrity I was more than excited to see on-board my flight years ago, like ten years ago – before her gig as a popular daytime talk show host and after the famous television kiss that shocked the world. Ellen Degeneres! I freakin love Ellen. Which is why I kept my mouth shut the day I saw her sitting in first class. Believe it or not, I’m always speechless around the people I admire. That is until today, when I stalked her, about an hour ago. For real. It was the third email, I believe, that threw me into the stalking category. Believe it or not, in my case, stalking has always paid off in the end. Don’t worry, I won’t send her any more emails, not if you cross your fingers and pray she writes back.
Dear person reading Ellen’s mail,
I’m not writing to tell you that I’ve been a fan of Ellen ever since she starred in the movie Mr. Wrong with Bill Pullman, which is one of my favorite movies of all time, a movie I can watch over and over and over (and I’m not the kind of person who can watch movies over and over.) Nor am I writing to tell you and Ellen about all the crazy things I’ve seen on the airplane (though there have been many things), things I write about on the travel site Gadling.com under the series Galley Gossip: Confessions from the jumpseat with Heather Poole, even though it’d be fun to dish about that. What I’m writing about is shopping. What I’m suggesting is a shopping spree with Ellen. That’s right, I want Ellen to take me shopping. Why? Because I love her style. Because for the last 13 years I’ve been wearing a navy blue flammable polyester monkey suit as I stand behind a drink car, which in turn has caused me to lose my own style. Did I even have a style? I can’t remember. The lack of oxygen at 35,000 feet does that to a person. So, do you think Ellen can help? Please make her help! I need help. Desperately. And if you make her help, I’ll tell her about some of the crazy things I’ve seen on my flights.