I see celebrities on the airplane all the time, and very few of them get me excited. However, there is one celebrity I was more than excited to see on-board my flight years ago, like ten years ago – before her gig as a popular daytime talk show host and after the famous television kiss that shocked the world. Ellen Degeneres! I freakin love Ellen. Which is why I kept my mouth shut the day I saw her sitting in first class. Believe it or not, I’m always speechless around the people I admire. That is until today, when I stalked her, about an hour ago. For real. It was the third email, I believe, that threw me into the stalking category. Believe it or not, in my case, stalking has always paid off in the end. Don’t worry, I won’t send her any more emails, not if you cross your fingers and pray she writes back.
Dear person reading Ellen’s mail,
I’m not writing to tell you that I’ve been a fan of Ellen ever since she starred in the movie Mr. Wrong with Bill Pullman, which is one of my favorite movies of all time, a movie I can watch over and over and over (and I’m not the kind of person who can watch movies over and over.) Nor am I writing to tell you and Ellen about all the crazy things I’ve seen on the airplane (though there have been many things), things I write about on the travel site Gadling.com under the series Galley Gossip: Confessions from the jumpseat with Heather Poole, even though it’d be fun to dish about that. What I’m writing about is shopping. What I’m suggesting is a shopping spree with Ellen. That’s right, I want Ellen to take me shopping. Why? Because I love her style. Because for the last 13 years I’ve been wearing a navy blue flammable polyester monkey suit as I stand behind a drink car, which in turn has caused me to lose my own style. Did I even have a style? I can’t remember. The lack of oxygen at 35,000 feet does that to a person. So, do you think Ellen can help? Please make her help! I need help. Desperately. And if you make her help, I’ll tell her about some of the crazy things I’ve seen on my flights.
Yeah, that's me, the one standing in the aisle wearing flammable polyester...