Dear Heather

I want to be you. I love to fly and was hoping one day to become a flight attendant as my second career. But, with the stock market tanking I may not be able to retire early from optometry. I think optometry has trained me well for being a flight attendant, having to deal with the general public all day. Which is better – one or two OR cream and sugar? Of course I would need to lose that extra 50 pounds I put on or I would never be able to get my fat ass out of the MD80 over the wing exit. Someone would have to ram a fully loaded drink cart to get me out of that exit….LOL! And really I just want to slide down one of those slides from the 777, and not in emergency situation because I’d hate to lose my buzz. I am an aviation junkie and like to read aviation news blogs. I have been an AA Platinum since 2001. My flight attendant friends tell me stories and share the flight attendant lingo with me. So one day if the major airlines start to re-hire maybe I could apply and wear my navy blue polyester sports coat (the checkered one if working international business/first class….heeey), pants and my little pin-stripped apron with my name on it. Y’all get to do costume changes right there in galley, right? What’s not to like!

Mark R.

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Dear Mark,

Let me get this straight, you’re an optometrist and you want to be a flight attendant? ARE YOU CRAZY! Of course you are. Which is why I want to work with you! So when you’re hired, because with a glowing personality like yours you will be hired, let’s buddy bid together. We’ll bid for the longest layovers and work the first class cabin on the 757 transcons. You’ll be in the galley making the chocolate chip cookies with your pin striped apron on while I’m working the aisle like I usually do. We’ll make a fantastic team and passengers will love us.

Until then, happy travels!

Heather Poole